You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. There are a few things that you can do to resolve the conflict between your husband and daughter: if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_12',132,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',132,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-132{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}Its a question that many people ask themselves, and it does not have a clear answer. If you have any concerns that your husband is driving your daughter away, be sure to talk to him about it. It cant be. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. My husband's daughter is coming to visit. When they are able to see the effect it has on the ones they love without being seen as intending to harm, they are surprisingly willing to change. Ive been there. Yeah, I think its going to be hard for her to get her husband to listen to her parent to parent if hes already being alienated. He's worked extremely hard for as long as I have known him, and provided a good home for me and our three children. Theyll sacrifice a perfect moment of tenderness if they feel there is the possibility of a reciprocal expectation lurking behind the scenes. He should be talking to his wife about how he feels alienated when it is the three of them, but this is an issue between him and his wife. If not, don't let this spoil your friendship and do what you can to keep her busy with other things so that she has less time to focus on this guy. and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . No. Its not rocket science. I was an only child, so my moms attention was nice, but I do remember thinking as a child that I wished she was normal in that she was more like a mom than a friend. Loved Jurassic Park and Baywatch of all things. I feel like this could have been written by my mom, to an extent. Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. My husband her step-dad has Always been supportive financially to both my children and loves them like his own. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Hes a good person, but our relationship as two adults is not a close one and at times feels forced on my end because I still dont know how to be myself around him. My daughter openly tells him that she hates him and that he is a douche and that she wouldn't care if he was out of her life. To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. Terms & Conditions . if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_18',131,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_19',131,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-2-multi-131{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}However, when conflict arises between a parent and child, it can be even more difficult to resolve. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! Anyway, a person shouldnt be forced to read something they find boring, but I think that its reasonable for the dad to try to encourage that so that she grows up knowing theres stuff outside of her pop culture interests. July 2, 2013, 2:36 pm. You know what, I thought you were going to lay in hard when I first started reading, and I was thinking to myself Oh fuck, hes going to hit on all her worst innermost thoughts and shes just going to run screaming away from DW but frankly, I think you are completely right. Hilary Duff has always come clean about her parenting journey over the years. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. But the dad is giving the kid homework? She has to do something she doesnt like from time to time. His GP should be able to refer him to an appropriate local counsellor or he could contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk). We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. because I think that as the teen years progress you will need some better strategies to deal with the 2 strong personalities that surround you. Then ice cream after. What To Do When Your Partner and Daughter Dont Get Along? July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! My feeling is that its closer to the first scenario, and the LW is making it seem worse than in is. But what I really remember is my dad listening to me tell him about whatever I was interested in. Yikes, I shouldve known better than to comment on a cult show Sorry! My dad and I developed a healthy give-and-take relationship when I was this age. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. Awesome. If you want to bring about change in your family, though, you are going to have to get him to confront the fact that his behaviour is hurtful, destructive, and possibly even cruel. Well I disagree with the context, but not the actual content, of this advice. Additionally, she may worry that if you stay together, shell have to deal with the same unhappy marriage later on in her own life. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) Our differences are what make people interesting. Being a parent is more about shaping your child to be secure, well adjusted, happy (etc!!) He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. Maybe not, though. Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He doesnt have to like Star Trek, but he can respectfully engage her when she talks about this topic. I teach freshmen in college, and a lot of them are still Buffy fans. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . Blow out the torches! FIONA SAYS: Gently and with tact, though she's still likely to be upset. What music you like or books you read is a matter of personal preference, and really its rude to mock people for their personal taste just because it doesnt align with yours unless theres racism or violence or something. lets_be_honest Lily in NYC July 3, 2013, 1:13 am, Wait, is it possible to watch Sarah Michelle Gellar try to act and NOT roll your eyes? Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). Most of them are women. I dont understand the amount of hating on fandom today. How to Cope When Your Spouse Is Driving You Crazy I think dad is being a bully. Oh and get this, occasionally, I orchestrate it so hes not the asshole no-fun mr knitknots type, and I do unfun things, like make her come serve soup at a homeless kitchen or walk dogs at the SPCA or help our elderly neighbour do various stuff. Theres making a light-hearted joke when something is spilled, and then there is telling your child that what makes her happy is stupid. Im doing everything I can to make things work between us. For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. . He does not say that to her but expresses it to me. He's clearly not interested in her and I don't want to look stupid when I ask him. He is, however, driven and self-reliant. My father did not indulge in those with me but we had a great relationship. Our grandmother let us watch Bambi as a treat and I cried and cried, so my father responded by tricking me into eating venison the next week, and then as soon as I ate it all, telling me it was Bambis mother. I was born in 87 so grew up in the 90s, yet was still exposed to a LOT of 80s pop culture through reruns and radio and older peers. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. I dont care if he thinks her shows are boring his wife and daughter deserve respect. But for practical advice: board games. He should show her that he can make an effort to enjoy her interests and encourage her in the same spirit to enjoy his. How do I say this to her without hurting her feelings? July 2, 2013, 1:01 pm. July 3, 2013, 1:14 am, Lily in NYC And its in your daughters interest to have a strong relationship with her dad. than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. 6napkinburger A father-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships a girl can have. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. Of course its going to drive her away from him. Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. Jake O'Kane: Is the DUP really going to sink the Assembly and reject the Windsor Framework? If youre having problems with your husband because of how he treats you or his parenting style, then you need to handle it with him, not by forming an alliance with your daughter against him. 2. We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. You raised a very good point that I didnt even mention. FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. It is essential for a father to be involved in his daughters life and to show her love and attention. If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. doesnt mean that the Dad is 100% correct in ramming his opinions down his daughters throat. And while there are many reasons why daughters might want their parents to split up, here are some of the most common ones: If your daughter has seen you and your husband arguing or otherwise being unhappy together, she may start to feel like she needs to choose sides. If he doesnt mind, that would probably be a good show of support to begin with. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? He rolls his eyes not at her accomplishments, but her timewasters A rather big difference. If he constantly puts her down she will not like him and she will not respect him because she knows that he has no respect for her. Totally agree on the respect issue. It should be a crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. Are any of these familiar to you? Find a common ground youve got to. Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. Every time I try to get ahead of the game, I feel like the rug is pulled out. Also, now I know how to fix stuff. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Why Is My Husband Driving My Daughter Away (15 Reasons) He probably reached Buffy overload YEARS ago and now here it is every morning at the breakfast table. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. I wish you hadnt been so dismissive of counseling or parenting sessions (or PAIRS workshops, they are designed for couples but work great for family relationships as well!!) A perfect starting point would be just a general interest activity, like board games or going to get ice cream. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us.
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